I took today off work. I have a bunch of stuff to do for school and really, I just needed a break. Sometimes I feel like I’ve taken on a bit much. I don’t do well with being bored so the busy schedule works for me, but the workload this semester is a bit of a bastard. And since lately I’ve been trying to have a life too, I’m getting a kind of overloaded.
I had a test and a presentation last night that I was not ready for (my presentation got postponed thankfully), another test tonight that I’ve barely studied for, and so much anxiety about it all that I’ve barely slept all week.
I feel like I’ve been severely overestimating my abilities. I’ve been telling myself that I can go out on the weekends and still get it all done. But I forget about the fact that there’s no one around to pick up the slack when I stay out drinking until 3am.
No one else is going to put away my laundry, or cook my dinners for the week.
No one else is going to remind me that I have a presentation to put together when I accidentally rub up against my whiteboard calendar and wipe off an entire week.
No one else will walk the dog, or remember to bring extra food to my parents house for her in case she runs out (theres no longer another dog to steal from).
It’s getting to me. I’m forgetting everything – I even left for school on Monday night without any books. Actually, I didn’t even have a pen. I lost my history textbook yesterday, and searched for it for twenty minutes before giving up. Then I found it under my desk at work. At this point its a miracle I’m remembering to put makeup on both my eyes before work.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love that I’m doing all of this by myself. I’m proud of myself, I feel like I’m strong enough to do it all, and I wouldn’t change a thing. But every now and then, I kind of wish I had someone there to help me out when things start to fall apart.
Maybe I should try to convince my mom to move in with me.