Is it just me, or does being single (especially after a long term relationship) seem to attract all kinds of unsolicited advice?
Yes – I am single.
No – I do not believe that means there is something wrong with me.
I feel like people have this idea that being alone is a bad thing. Lately I’ve been bombarded with questions about when I’m going to start dating, if I’ve met anyone yet, and better yet, I’m getting those reassuring “you’re great Leah, you’ll find someone” comments. I know I’m great. I know I’ll find someone. If I were a boy, I would date me, and I know at some point the right boy will want to date me too. So what I don’t understand is why everyone feels the need to tell me that. Am I supposed to start doubting myself just because I don’t have a man?
I get the impression that being alone is supposed to automatically equal loneliness, but it doesn’t. For me, its been quite the opposite, and I really believe that the people who feel lonely would feel like that in or out of a relationship. No one should base their happiness on whether or not they have another person to share their life with. Yes, that is a wonderful part of life, and I don’t want to sound all anti-love. But I think people need to find happiness on their own first.
Personally, I like being single. I like being by myself. And I really like not having to text or call anyone just to say good night (I really hated that). If I wanted to, I could easily go through my entire day without running into another person. I workout alone, I shop alone, I do just about everything entirely by myself, and I am 100% ok with that.
Being on my own has given me the quality time with myself that I desperately needed. I’m stronger, I’m happier, and my mental stability is coming along quite nicely.
Yes, obviously I do eventually want the whole marriage and kids thing. That’s my lifelong dream, but I’m in no rush to get there. It will happen when it happens, and contrary to popular opinion, my world will go on until then.
Being single doesn’t mean I’m broken. Maybe I should put that on a tshirt – I wonder if it would get people to leave me alone?
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Yessss. Love this post! I’m single, always have been.. and I love it. People are always shocked when they find out that I’ve never had a boyfriend (my sister too) and like you said, it’s annoying when people try to give advice. It’s not like I don’t have experience with guys, I do. I just don’t WANT a relationship. I think the reason most people can’t understand that is because we’re supposed to want them. I’m glad you like being single because it’s fucking awesome.
Love this post.
I really agree on the, “If you’re lonely being single you’re going to be lonely in a relationship, too” idea.
Hi Leah. Love this post. Your life is very complete right now. That’s obvious to anyone who reads your blog. Furthermore, Lexie and I are offended by the assumption that you are “alone”.
You should just tell people to shut it, I don’t know why others think it’s their business whether you’re dating or not. Sigh.
I am the same way, even though I’m in a relationship now, and I had the same experience when I was single. I LOVED being alone and never felt lonely and only entered into the healthy relationship I have now because I was so comfortable with myself and so happy with my life as it was that I didn’t “need” someone. It’s been a much different experience than all the times I was with someone just to fill a void. More than anything I believe in life, I think you have to learn to love yourself and spend time alone before you can ever love someone else. But that’s just me…
Anyways, totally get you here and screw all those close-minded people who don’t get it.
AMEN.
I think it’s awesome that you’ve gotten to a place where you love your own company! I think I’m struggling with this a little bit right now, but then again I’ve always been a complete extrovert and would probably never be alone if I could arrange it. So, I’m not in quite as good of a place about being single as you are.
Whomp whomp.
i was recently dumped my my bf of 6 years on my graduation day!
im going through the same journey and getting the same advice. when it comes down to it . . . it is you that writes your own rules and it is yourself that you need to be in a relationship with. its the only one that counts and the only one that will allow for healthy future relationships.
im here if you want to vent more
LOL- you’re not alone…there is a gorgeous gal in your life with long black hair and 4 feet
I’d take her over a man any day!
Have a great weekend and drink some wine for me- I will think of you while I Warrior Dash on Sunday! WOOT WOOT!
Totally agree with that statement. You know what else holds true? Being in a relationship doesn’t necessarily equal NOT being lonely. Despite my wonderful relationship there have been many times in my life I’ve felt lonely for other reasons – family, friend reasons. And there are times when you have shit days and just feel really lonely and alone, as comforting as your partner may try to be.
I think that it’s because of the old school influence on society still – where women were incapable of anything, etc. You know what I mean. No matter how far we get from that, we still can’t truly get away from it apparently.
And I would love to be alone. I have to pay money to go to the spa tonight so that I can be alone.
Just worry about yourself. Other people feel like they have the right to unload their opinions on you, but the fact is they don’t matter. I get the same drama about not having/or maybe not even wanting kids. It’s my life, I’ll make the decisions thankyouverymuch.
When I was single I was like you. I did everything by myself. I never felt like I needed anyone which is why I believe I ended up with a guy who’s my equal and my best friend. Spending time alone and being single is an awesome way to find out what you want from life and what works and doesn’t work for you.
what a great post. currently I’m married, and sometimes i feel it would be so easy being single. now you have 1 more person to take care of, cook for, think about before making plans, and it isn’t the 100% freedom like when you’re single. what i’m glad about is that when i was single, i did the things you did, and i totally treasured my girlfriends (still do), and I felt complete and happy. And yes, it is totally possible to feel lonely even if you are in a relationship. You are doing the right thing, focus on you and love you!!
I don’t think wearing that shirt would get people to shut up (unfortunately). Is it the same people who won’t stop saying crap about what you are eating?
I met a new friend for lunch the other day and she mentioned she is single and it’s hard to meet men. I didn’t know what to say. Any advice for me? And I felt bad when I kept telling stories and saying “my husband.”
And P.S. – I wanted to say that I LOVE my alone time. LOVE IT!
Hi Leah. I love your line “If I was a guy I’d date me!”! I also love that you’ve reconnected with wine!! (just catching up on your last post) Have a great weekend.
It is a message that more people need to hear. Because believe me, there are A LOT of broken people in this world (both single and not single). I think having a strong community of friends/family is what is important. Thank you for sharing, sweet girl. You are an amazing and strong woman. And I know you will continue to grow and thrive.
People need to close their mouths! I love alone time and some people just don’t get that!